she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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