Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
