Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Couch. On fire.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
