never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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