Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
