I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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