i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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