So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
