I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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