we have pet lesbian snakes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We had to coat check the pizza.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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