I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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