I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
