I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
