I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
