Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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