She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
