Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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