this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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