Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize