The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
