So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
