i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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