Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize