so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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