I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
