I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
