Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize