I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
