shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
