Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
be right there i have to get my cape
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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