I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
