I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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