wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
