Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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