Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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