Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
