There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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