it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
