How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A bitchslap is in order.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize