dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
