Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
