You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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