I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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