I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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