There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
