just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
