finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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