Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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