I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
