The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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