I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
