guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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