u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
