is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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