I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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