then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
