I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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