Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I bet he comes in French.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
