i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
