dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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