Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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